A quick disclaimer before I begin: I’ve been fighting hard with myself over whether to write this post and then over whether to actually share it. The decision to share it was prompted by two things. The first is accountability. If I tell you reader and make a commitment to shaping up then I have to stick to it. Reason two is that while this blog is about possibilities, creativity and fun things I also wanted to be honest with you, lets be friends reader, to share a bit of myself. Just in case it appeared I project a perfect life here, that would be phoney, a big fat phoney. I’m aware this could come across as a self-pity party and if you want to skip it I’ll understand.

Lately, I’ve been going through the motions a bit. Knowing that I felt “down” (sorry reader that’s such a cop-out word but its all I can share at the moment without disappearing down a rabbit hole) and hoping that if I just keep coping one day/week/month more the cloud will lift. The old ‘fake it till you make it’ nonsense.

Added to this I’ve been getting so frustrated so easily lately. I wish I felt more in control. I’m tired of feeling like life is happening to me and I have no say in the matter. Most of the time I just feel like a giant fraud because I’m okay and I’m still able to live my life, do the things that need to be done each day.

Praying God would awaken some of the passion I used to have, the desires and dreams to live for something greater. I've been getting so frustrated with myself without really acknowledging how drained I feel or how ludicrous it is. I’m not really one for cars but it almost feels like trying to race across the country with an empty tank then kicking the tyres when it doesn’t work.

At the base of everything though I still have an unstinting belief that things will work out, though maybe not in the way I expect, the long road has a purpose. I hold on to this reader. I want the whisper to become a battle cry once more but maybe I need to accept that at least a whisper is a voice. That’s it I think for the moment chin up, head down and be kind to myself. Things can change, this too shall pass. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, I know it, I just can't see it yet. That’s life sometimes though isn’t it reader? You just have to keep plugging away until you reach the light and hope it isn’t a train.